Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
