I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
