Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
