it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
