hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
