One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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