I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
