My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
