he thought i was a dude.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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