This girl is more easily done than said...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
