I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Someone stole a lamp last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
