meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize