remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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