I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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