Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
