I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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