I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
