Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize