well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
