The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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