and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
