Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
