You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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