first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
