Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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