How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
