I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
