the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
