We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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