At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
