I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
