I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
