yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
