i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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