Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
