So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
