I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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