My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
