i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
