all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize