wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
