I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's blow job season.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
