A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
