Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize