I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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