I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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