I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We have so much sex to catch up on
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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