God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
