just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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