Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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