I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
