She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
