it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
