he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
