Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
