Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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