New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
A bitchslap is in order.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
