Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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