I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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