Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
