currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
