I wish I only lived at night.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
