I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize