Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
