The best revenge is premature balding
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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