so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
