So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
