I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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