My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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