True but thats because hes a fetus.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
