The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
