She went from zero to smokin in five shots
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
